Nursing Home Time?

ok so I took a sleeping pill last night to maybe try to get some sleep. Well that was a bad idea. I got three hours sleep then dad got up... every hour on the hour... falling twice. I mean really, he doesnt even know us anymore. I have to carry him around when he isnt fighting with us. I am so tired. I cant think straight. Maybe it is time for a nursing home. So I did some checking. there is only one Veterans Home in this state. Unbelievable. That is too far away. Now I need to think ... can we afford another nursing home? maybe home healthcare.. nope checked on that.. medicare doesnt pay for it. We are all tired here. This is way harder than I thought it was going to be. Dad keeps having TIA's which basically are mini strokes. So he is rapidly loseing movement. which is why i have to manouver and carry him around. The doctor says when and if the clost breaks loose he will have a massive stroke. The clot is in his neck... Now word of caution.. Go to doctors ... dont wait... what is happening to dad is cause of drinking and never going to a doctor. Most of this is self inflicted and could have been prevented. I have to go... dad pulled the phone line out this morning... I need to try to fix it... have a good one. Danielle

Stuff

Ive fallen behind again in my classes. Bad Danielle! I just feel drained. Want to give it all up. But deep down I cant because I Danielle am not a quitter. lol didn't sleep again last night but fell asleep studying today so I got some rest. I'm living off of coffee and blueberries. =) I loves booberries.

Dad has shifted he sleeps a lot now. I know his mood swings better now. He gets these looks when he is going to have a fit or be mean. Sometimes when I get him up he does this "huh" thing. I know that it will be a bad day when he does that. I sit him up he goes HUH, I start walking him to the restroom he goes HUH. My daughter and I giggle about it cause it is kinda funny. HUH, HUH, HUH.

So lately Dad is been (for no better use of the term) dead weight. Can barely walk and its taking a toll on my back. I have to literally carry him to the restroom or front room or to the dining room. I think Monday I will get him a wheel chair. At least that will help transport him.

But for now back to my studies... If I can concentrate, but I'm sure my mind will wander away as it has been lately. To a place that doesn't exist 'cept for in my mind I suppose. Danielle

Ugh

I know its been a while since I posted, but I have been soooo busy. I'm tired and exhausted. Dad is changing drastically, turning mean and abusive at times. Hospice has denied help due to Medicare standards. The trouble? He is still eating and he isnt drinking anymore. Both criteria for medicare to pay hospice. So yes I still feed dad. I mean really, what do they want me to do stop feeding him? Let him starve? Last night was a long night... I havent really slept in a few days... My mind keeps going around in circles. Something happened and it has messed up my mind so to speak. Not just Dad but other things I probably shouldnt put in the blog. I just feel so alone with all this. Where do I go from here? I dont know... only time will tell and maybe just maybe I can begin to heal and move forward. have a good day everyone. Danielle

What now....?

Today was dads hospital follow up day. Not a good day at all. Dad was in hospital in december because of his liver failure. In march his amonia level was 34, when he went to the hospital in April, appox. a month apart dads amonia level was 96.6. His amonia level trippled in a month. Amonia causes the confusion, it goes into his brain. If you have ever cleaned with amonia you know how it burns your nose and throat... imagine what it does to your brain. So, they tripple the amount of Lactulos. Anyway, doctor only refilled his Lactulos for 2 mos. Reinformed me he is in end stage liver failure. And I said "basically we are keeping him comfortable." he said "Yes" and took him off his other meds.

So now what? Do I call relatives scattered accross the country so they can visit if they like before he passes? Or, do I wait and call after. This one is a tough one. So... tomorrow I will be looking for hospice care... in home of course. My sister says she would rather dad pass away in a hospital in case he has pain. I pretty sure the Dr. will help in that area. I would rather Dad pass away at home, comfortable in his own bed. I mean really, what can a nurse do that I can't do? I'm ... oh I don't.. upset? relieved? I do know, that I, Danielle, will have no regrets knowing I am doing everything possible for my father.

Medicare Issues

So today I spent and ungodly amount of money on my parents medicines. It is unbelievable that they can live and work their whole life here and spend that much on medicines. Tell me where the medicare went? Why when I signed my father up for a supplemental insure that it didnt come with a perscription plan? Then I call and find out when I signed him up it wasnt the time for perscription sign up. He cant have a perscription plan until november and december of this year.

How can seniors survive on the pittence that the government gives them? I mean really, they would not make it on their social security if I wasnt here. And my parents worked their whole lives. What is our government doing with the social security they paid in? I need to research this stuff a little more. I have also found out there are no resources out there for seniors. Mom and Dad cant get food stamps because they get 50 dollars too much. What the heck is that? No wonder our seniors are eating canned pet food!

Now I know I'm not the only one out there that is mad about this.

Dad

Ok so now that Ive been doing this a few days I should give you a background on who I am referring to in these posts. Dad... alcoholic... when I moved out here to help mom he was forgetting a lot already. Still driving and drinking a case (24) of beer a day. for the first two years i slowly startd going to the store for them cause i noticed dad was drinking in the morning. And mom began to rely on me a lot more, but at that time mom was fine, just old. Eventually My family packed up and moved in. took me about a year to wean dad off the beer. I started by buying 12 packs then gradually just bring out 6.. then 5, 4, 3, 2 and so forth... then every couple days one would show up in the fridge.. lol .. this is how I got my father off alcohol without him going into DT's. Now dad had never been to a doctor. And shortly after I moved in I signed him up for the Veterans Association and got him in for a check up... wow that was hard.. he was practically kicking and screaming. diagnosed with hardening of the liver, emphazema, and alcohol induced dementia. Dad slipped fast. He is still with us but is at end of life, end stage liver failure. Rarely does dad or the essence of the dad I knew, come out. Last night several times Dad saw his brother, mind you his brother died 2 years ago. They are going for a ride he told me. I also caught him talking to someone, I heard him yell at one point and he said who is that. who is who. that man. Your tired dad.. lets put you to bed.

Just me blabbering =)

Morning everyone!!! Woke up in a wonderful mood =) Dad slept through the night, that doesnt happen very often. Today is homework day for me. A new class started Im excited about it.

My new adventure today is keeping up with the SB1040 law. I cant believe how it has blown up out of proportion. This law IS NOT a race issue. It is about US Citizens and thier rights. I would like to reiterate that this is NOT a race issue... this is about US Citizens wether you have lived here all your life or just became a citizen yesterday ... it is about us .. US Citizens losing thier rights to illigal immigrants. And when I say Illegal Imigrants I am not targeting Mexican Illegal Imigrants.. There are Illegal Imigrants from every country. And the US is not the only country to have this problem. Its just that Arizona has Decided to speak up first.

So with that said... I relish your comments on that subject. =)